![]() Vrangalova had explained that nonmonogamous relationships generally fall into one of three main categories: swinging, polyamory, and open relationships. Zhana Vrangalova, a researcher and adjunct professor of human sexuality at NYU. The book’s enormous popularity spawned countless articles and debates about whether monogamy is in fact a social construct, and one that goes against our biology.īut what do the alternatives look like in practice? To get a more detailed idea of how people manage nonmonogamy successfully, I’d spoken with Dr. ![]() And then there’s Sex at Dawn, Christopher Ryan and **Cacilda Jethá’**s 2010 bestseller, which argues that monogamy goes against human nature. The Ethical Slut, which is probably the quintessential book on nonmonogamy, has been selling consistently since its publication in 1997. Dan Savage, of course, is an active proponent of what he calls “monogamish”-opening the door of your relationship just a crack, to keep it from blowing off its hinges, as he puts it. Sex parties like this one, and discussions about alternatives to monogamy, have been getting increasing media coverage in recent years. Another couple, when asked about the virtues of being open, said that it prevents them from getting lazy or taking each other for granted-the slight competition keeps them engaged and motivates them to win each other’s affection every day. One said that listening to each other’s hook-up stories was their ultimate turn on. Before engaging with another person, it was customary to ask, “Can I touch you?” The couples were very frank about the advantages of “the lifestyle,” as it’s called. I instantly noticed how respectful everyone was. Popular depictions of swingers are usually sensational or retro, but the crowd at the party seemed like normal, nice people who were no different from me, which was encouraging. Suddenly the many beds, couches, and bathtubs were filled with people going at it. It wasn’t until midnight that the suits and cocktail dresses began to come off. Many of the guests were clearly already friends or “playmates,” and the atmosphere was surprisingly classy, even reserved. (Anne was right.) For the first two hours, people mostly danced, drank the free booze, and ate canapes. Walking into the hotel, I was slightly intimidated by how many beautiful, well-dressed people there were.
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